1. The last web hosting service you used was GeoCities.
2. Your homepage plays automatic music — probably a retro tune like Prince’s “1999.”
3. Your font is Comic Sans, size 14.
4. Your brand’s logo flashes on the homepage.
5. Your website takes a full minute to load and always pauses at 99 percent.
6. You built your website when it was still hooked up to the phone line.
7. Your website is 480 pixels (read: small).
8. Readers have to sit through a lengthy Flash introduction that lasts two minutes with no option to skip it.
9. Your site doesn’t work on an iPhone. THE SHAME!
10. Blinking text, all over the place.
11. Strobe lights behind your font.
12. Font that’s under 10 pixels—you need a magnifying glass to read it.
13. Just the misuse of font in general.
14. The latest social icons on your homepage are Friendster and Myspace.
15. Everything is optimized for Netscape Navigator.
16. There’s a pixelated gif of the dancing baby on your company page.
17. Worse, there’s a random bear mascot that pops up from the logo and starts waving (this site exists).
18. There are one too many selfies littering your feed.
19. Bad logos. No amount of great design can fix a bad logo.
20. The last person to critique your homepage was your Uncle Fred — who was the first person in your family with Internet connection.
21. Your team page includes nostalgic photos from the 80s.
22. Overuse of drop shadows.
23. You have one line of text that extends across the entire webpage. That’s it.
24. Page lands on 404, 501 or anything with a number.
25. Your missing page lands on an overly cheesy message like “Oops! Our bad!!”
26. Your mouse cursor changes into a baton with fairy dust glitter that follows its path when you load the site.
27. Your website’s copy reads like a VC Andrews novel.
28. Your website is filled with jargon like “user experience” and “conversion oriented.”
29. Your homepage URL is 50 characters long.
30. You don’t have a website.
Tweet us the worst faux pas in web design @52pickupinc using the hashtag #WinningWeb.
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